Corusca

I’ll write about a random subject that doesn’t really fall into my usual gamer/geek-themed posts. However, a female such as myself can’t really overlook things like these. It includes female advice for males, sarcasm, and jokes, but feel free to interpret it however you like. Whine. Write hate comments. Plot my demise.

Then shut the Hell up and follow my advice.

I was reading someone’s blog, where the blogger was talking about the very positive physical attributes of a guy she knew. Of course, amidst the comments to that particular post were the usual ‘he must be gay’ phrases that guys tend to say when us women check out a specimen with far better looks than their own.

I wonder what makes them say that? Jealousy of all the female attention, lack of confidence, or wishful thinking?

The first one has a solution (pay attention, males!): exercise so you don’t look like a human furball version of Jabba the Hutt and you can have just as nicely shaped abs/butt/biceps/etc as him. Oh, and very, VERY important: bathe. It’s not optional. Nothing is a bigger turn off than someone who smells like a chimpanzee who just ran a marathon in the desert and then rolled on some pig crap just for kicks. Also, wear washed clothes because if you bathe and then wear a t-shirt that smells like a four-week dead ostrich, you will still smell horrible. Plus, take care of stuff like your hair. Does it look like a three year old cut it? Are you bald but have a huge tuff of hair surrounding the glinting middle part of your head? Go to a hairdresser. Stop reading. Get up from your chair. Go. Now. Hairdresser.

On aside note: more and more girls prefer guys that don’t look like Tony Ramos, body hair-wise (sorry Tony, you’re a nice actor, but your shoulders and back still give me nightmares). Make the effort to at least remove the ones from your shoulders and back, as a vomit reflex is definitely a no-way sign for a girl. Most of us aren’t furries, thanks.

Yes, it’s a lot of trouble, but guess what? The ‘he must be gay’ guy who actually isn’t gets a lot more female attention than you ever will.

In case you think my advice is not really well intended (as it is) and you’ve interpreted it as a bitchy egotistical feminist rant, feel free to whine about it by commenting here. After that, go bathe, shave your shoulders/back, get a haircut, and start exercising, because odds are you do look like a human-sized Ewok who’s pissed off about us chicks also liking our men to pay the minimum attention to their looks and hygene instead of just sticking to every effort being from our part.

For those who do follow my advice, remember that looks alone are nothing if you’re a jerk. They make it easier for a girl to have an initial interest, but that’s mostly it. Be nice, respectful and polite. Good luck.

In case you’re fancying his abs, but in a ‘I want to rub them with my bare hands’ way: ask the guy out. With any luck, he is gay.

Finally, and somewhat off-topic, allow me to clarify a few things about me which may give you a better perspective on the validity of my points of view and advices:

I do not think ‘all men are the same’ and the women who say that constantly are simply idiots who pick retards for their boyfriends/husbands, instead of going for the not über looking, but really nice, thoughtful and respectful guy. Who, of course, bathes.

I’m not sexist. I do however fancy that equality thing people keep talking about. And yes, it’s stupid to give females things like political positions simply because they have female genitalia, when their knowledge and skills in that area suck more than a Thai prostitute.

Ta ta!

What Happens to Science Fiction Writers After They Die – what are the graves of those who were the greatest sci-fi literary geniuses like?

Rock, Paper, Scissors made a list of the 10 Things All PC Games Should Have. Worth a read. Personally, I also think the Escape key should close the present in-game menu, like Blizzard has on its games since at least Diablo.

Thrustmaster has made a wiimote glowing lightsaber add-on. About time someone made this. Too bad The Force Unleashed is so crappy for the Wii, that I bought the XBox 360 version instead. Maybe I can play Zelda using a lightsaber. Hmm…

My PC was finally moved to the new place on Saturday. Next weekend it’s time to get my other desk. We actually slept on the new place tonight. Unfortunately there were some issues with the water heater which I’ll have to sort today so we don’t have to use cold water again. Details. *ahem*

Not much Warhammering Online, since I’m sorta waiting for my kitten to catch up (he’s about 4 levels behind), and when there are consoles around, I have other stuff to play. Like Assassin’s Creed, and GTA4, both of which I barely started. I did finally manage to try out The Force Unleashed. Although I can’t really make an in-depth comment on it, I liked what I saw. I understood what reviewers had said about it being an ok game ‘but better for Star Wars fans’. There was already a little detail on the story so far that made my inner geek squee a little, but I don’t want to spoil you.

Tropical Thunder is the stupidest movie I’ve watched in a long time. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, even with it being a comedy. Some funny parts, no doubt, but lots of ‘just stupid’ parts also.

I was introduced to a new bar (new to me anyway), near Saldanha, in Lisbon – Magnetic. I really liked the ambiance there. The look was good and both the cheesecake and decaf cappuccino were yummy.

Oh, and finally, all cheer my friend Alma for getting the legendary Atiesh, Great Staff of the Guardian after two years of waiting to get the Kel’Thuzad and C’thun pieces she was missing. Medivh surely approves of the new owner for his staff. It was now or never, since the 40 man Naxxramas will disappear from the game in October. I was unable to help as I wasn’t home that particular time and my WoW account isn’t even active right now.

But, you know what this means, don’t you? Free portals to Karazhan! Woohoo! Anyway, may her orange staff’s pretty fly-around birdies never poop on her! \o/

I am still drooling at this Star Wars space battle diorama, all made in LEGO.

Found via Geekologie. Complete flickr Rebel Attack! gallery over here.

For a few years now, we’ve had a quasi-yearly event here in Portugal about fantastic literature and other arts – Fórum Fantástico. This year the event is almost here, and as such I shall publicize it to whoever it may interest.

Fórum Fantástico 2008, will take place at the Faculdade de Belas Artes da Universidade de Lisboa, and starts on October 2nd, ending on October 5th.

This year’s program has several highlights, and I may drop by on Saturday if I have company. it’s a shame that the event I had most interest on, about fantasy illustration takes place on a weekday, and not after work hours. all well. You can

Be sure to visit the Fórum Fantástico site, and check out the event’s program (both in Portuguese).